I live a very solitary life. I’m a 47 year old single mom and sole caregiver to a 5 year old with special needs. I work at home, telecommuting as an administrative assistant for a technology services company, and I communicate with my fellow employees, managers, and supervisors, via email, and occasionally by phone. I get up each morning, send my daughter off to school on the bus, and settle in to my work routine, and try to sneak in a little housework every now and then. My daughter comes home, at 4:00, we eat supper, we prepare for the next day, and then get ready for bed. After she is in the bed, I spend several hours at night working on some type of project… my blog, or my crochet, or photography, or reading, or surfing/browsing blogs, or something. Sleep is always illusive to me.
I have a lot of friends and acquaintances, but I’m not a social butterfly. I’m a “don’t get in my space” kinda gal. I don’t have frequent visitors, and come to think of it, very few visitors. Most of my friends I have known all my life and they are wonderful friends, but I just don’t gab on the phone or visit with them all the time. I have one friend in Florida that I email quite frequently, although I’ve been lax lately, and she sent me a message saying “Why the silence?” So I sent her a really long winded email this morning. It probably took her all day to read it . I like having friends, but I also like it that they just don’t pop in anytime, and mess up my routine… haha. I don’t know my neighbors and I’ve lived here for 2-1/2 years almost. I wave at the one neighbor on the left, if I see them out walking their dog, but we never chat. The neighbor on my other side is a newly divorced military guy who keeps to himself too. We chat briefly if we see each other in the yard, but that’s it. Across the street and in the other surrounding houses, I don’t know a soul.
I have 2 groups of friends… one group is from my mother’s church. I grew up in a non-denominational church… extremely religious and a lot of very strict rules. I am no longer a member of that church, I don’t feel like it is the right place for me, but I still have lots of friends there. I see them for special occasions, like birthdays. They always include Leah Rose in birthday invitations. I am grateful to them because they have opened their arms and hearts with love to Leah and shown her nothing but kindness. They have even helped out in a pinch when I needed a babysitter for emergencies. I have visited differently churches from time to time, but I haven’t really found one that I feel comfortable being in. The other group of friends are my school friends, and people that I’ve worked with over the years. I wasn’t very popular in school, and was only an outsider in a small circle of friends. I see them only if I happen to bump into them around town, which hardly ever happens. I didn’t really keep in touch with any of my friends from my previous 2 marriages, so I don’t even call them acquaintances any longer. Honestly, I don’t even know that I would recognize them if I saw them.
My work situation works for me. I work at home to care for my daughter. We have had a murderous schedule of specialists, surgeries, and therapists. But I like not having to listen to the water cooler gossip at the office, or the bickering amongst co-workers. I like the people that I support. They are a great group and are always supportive of me and always courteous. I’ve worked in situations before where the men are just plain rude and the women flirt with everybody. I am constantly amazed at the group I work with… no scandals, no divorces, no work-related drama, at least none that I hear about, and it makes for easy work relationships. I really do not miss working in an office environment at all, but I am separated by 350 miles from people that I’ve worked with for almost 13 years. They are all in Florida and I lived there from 1996 to 2006. I miss seeing them face to face. We have several new employees in the past couple of years and I’ve never even met them.
Since my work situation is unique, I don’t really fit into any type of group. I’m a WAHM, but I’m not a WAHM in the true sense of the word, so it’s difficult to find common ground with other WAHM’s. As for being a mom to a 5 year old, well, it’s hard to find common ground there too. I’m 20 years older than most mothers with young children, and most women my age are retired or semi-retired and have grandchildren. Then again, I don’t like being in a group that is gossipy about each other. I always seem to be caught in the middle between a ‘warring’ faction. As for other mothers of children with special needs… I’ve met quite a few. In this area, there seems to be a majority of children with autism. So there again, no common ground with those types of mothers.
I have a special “friend” that I spend time with. This is the first time I’ve mentioned this person on my blog because I’m not sure how this person would feel about being a part of my “internet” life. So for the time being, I’m going to keep that part of my life private.
For the most part, I like my solitary life. Occasionally, I wish for a small group of friends, maybe a mix of couples and singles, maybe close to my age, and we all know each other well, intimately (not biblically), but we know each other’s likes and dislikes. Just some easy going folks to hang out with occasionally, or go to the movies, or dinner, or play a board game of some sort. Not preachy types, but a group who live “clean”, like no drugs, no alcohol, no abusive behavior, and just enjoy life. At the same time, a group of responsible adults, no criminal activity, or such. Sounds too perfect, doesn’t it?
I wouldn’t mind being part of a local crochet group, or a reading group. A schedule? No, I don’t think so, but just an outlet for some of my interests.
My thoughts tonight have been swirling around in my head for a very long time, and I’ve only said them to only one or two people. But what has prompted me to put this down in words is because 1) I very rarely write about anything personal in my blog, which I want to change, and 2) I bumped into 2 old friends yesterday when I was out and about. One lady was a former co-worker. She seemed to be so happy to see me, and I was very happy to see her. Her kids are all grown and she has grandchildren now. We couldn’t hardly talk fast enough to catch each other up in the short amount of time we had. The other lady was a school friend. We’ve known each other since the 3rd or 4th grade and lived down the street from each other. Her kids are also grown and she has never remarried, and still lives in the same neighborhood we grew up in. My friend was excited to see me because she had just mentioned me to another friend just 3 days ago. She drives by my childhood home and wonders “Where is she?” Well, now she knows. I’ve been invited to come over and visit with her and her sister. I fully intend to take her up on the offer, then again, I’m a homebody and I don’t get out much. A lot of it has been because it’s such a hassle to go out with a young child. But my child, my “wild” child, IS a social butterfly and she loves visiting people. So I think I’m just going to have to get up off my beehine and go visit my friend.
This weekend there are 2 festivals in the area and I’m planning on going. Hopefully, I can take some pictures to share on my blog. Spring is here and I need to get out more often. I think I’m turning stale.
Happy Friday! And have a good weekend.
Current Mood: Happy