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postheadericon Does Anyone Care?

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I do not often write about my status as a single person, often I talk about being a single mother and the difficulties I face, but I don’t often include my life as a single “person”.  It’s difficult and the loneliness is overwhelming to say the least.  I have been divorced since 2002, almost 9 years, and I have been involved in 3 or 4 relationships since my ex-husband and I divorced.  Needless to say, none of those relationships have worked out.  The one relationship resulted in the birth of my daughter, and the biological father has chosen not to be a part of her life.  I have chosen not to have him be a part of MY personal life, but I have to say that if he presented himself, I could not deny the opportunity for him to be a part of my daughter’s life, even though she may endure some unhappiness because of him.

Out of the other 3 relationships, the question of marriage was raised for 2 of those, but it just didn’t feel right.  Although, the idea of marriage appeals to me, I am hesitant to take that step because I have learned over the past few years that I don’t handle being with someone constantly very well.  It’s exciting, the first rush of the relationship to get to know each other, but eventually I had to take a step back and reevaluate what was happening and I didn’t like what I saw.  There was an implied rush to experience everything, including intimacy, which I am not willing to do.  That creates a lot of friction and it almost felt like that they didn’t seem to care about my feelings in the matter.

From conversations that I have had with these men, their fear was not of intimacy, but of being taken advantage of.  That women were only looking for someone to “take care of them”, as in financially and wanted an immediate commitment to fix their problems.  I can understand that.  I think every woman has that desire, and I think it is a human trait, not just a female trait.  We all want that significant other that can fix our problems for us.

I am an independent sort, and I don’t look for someone to fix things.  I might ask advice or look for reassurance that all will be well, but I don’t “ask” for help.  If it’s offered, I consider accepting, hopefully, in the spirit that it is offered.

Recently, I have had an opportunity to chat online with someone who is going through that exact same thing.  He feels that everyone is looking to him to fix things, not only in his professional life, but in his personal life too.  I believe he is going through a very difficult divorce, and he returns home to an empty home, and, in his words, has “no one to fix his problems for him”.  I have such sympathy for him.  I know exactly how he feels.

I have tried to reassure him that I only offer friendship, and I am in no hurry to enter a “relationship” with anyone.  I enjoy pleasant conversation and that is what we have shared, just conversation.  In our most recent conversation, he stated that “nobody knows how to be a friend anymore”.  I feel that I have failed miserably in showing that I have a kind heart and a sympathetic ear.  I am a good listener and I may not have any advice, but I listen quietly with full attention.  My heart aches so for him.  I only want to show him that there are good women out there who live a good Christian life who do not take advantage of others and don’t expect things that cannot be given.

Earlier, this was weighing so heavily on me that I was browsing the internet for articles on Christian faith and wisdom and hope to uplift me and keep my spirits up.  I came across a poem from a blog called Shooting the Breeze.  This poem just spoke to me and has had me in tears ever since.

Does anyone care?

The ache is there, does anyone really care?
The tears they fall, they fall to deaf ears,
Does anybody see our breaking heart
Or care to understand and do their part?

The ache is there, does anyone really care?
We beg and plead, and our souls we bare,
We tell them exactly what we need
But instead of helping they stand and watch us bleed.

The ache is there, does anyone really care?
If only they knew, If only they would dare
To reach out and listen or touch our hand.
Don’t they see we are in sinking sand?

The ache is there, does anyone really care?
Yet I finally found one so rare,
The one who would dare to stand
To be that listening ear and lend a hand.

Will the rest dare to understand
Or learn to reach out their hand?
The ache is there, does anyone really care?

Author Unknown

The author of the blog also has a quote that says “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.” and he asks the questions,

Who can you be a listening ear to today?
Who can you lend a hand to today?

Dear Lord, give me the wisdom to be that listening ear for this person who seems to be hurting so.  I only want to be a blessing in this person’s life and not a burden.  If it is Your will to open that door, allow this person to accept my kindness in the spirit that it is given.  I ask for Your Light to be shown through my spirit to maybe renew his soul and his faith.  Amen.

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